Election Campaign Ad #2

Kevin Rudd and Tony Abbott don’t like boats... or basic human rights. They like slogans, and will do whatever it takes to “Stop the Boats.” Kev and Tony are engaging in a game of xenophobic one-upmanship, aimed at stopping asylum seekers reaching our shores. Why? Because fuck refugees, that's why! Rudd is sending them to Papua New Guinea. Abbott wants to tow them back to Indonesia. Who will win? Whose “We grew here, you blew here” policy will...

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An Open Letter to Pastor Matt Prater...

Dear Pastor Matt Prater, Every Monday night at 9:30pm, I sit down with my girlfriend (with whom I'm living in sin) and watch my favourite TV show, Q&A. I very much enjoy watching the punters, pollies and pundits debate the relevant issues of the week. I also really like the host, Tony Jones. Don't you think there's something mesmerising about a handsome, educated silver fox? I just love how the studio lights playfully dance...

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Inside My Workspace

I recently found out that I'm a finalist in the 2013 Ultrabook Pedestrian Blogster Awards. The Pedestrian team contacted me find out about my workspace... Hi there, Congratulations and thank you for being a finalist in the 2013 Ultrabook Pedestrian Blogster Awards! In the lead up to voting closing, we'll be publishing an article on each category and we'd love for you to supply something to include! Your article's topic is: 'Inside My...

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KFC Zinger Pie Review: Part II

Hello KFC, I'm responding to your request for a PM, regarding my immature Zinger Pie-arrhoea comment on your Facebook page. Firstly, I'd like to apologise for being so silly. My Zinger Pie review may have seemed somewhat harsh, but please don't take it the wrong way. I think you've been doing a stellar job assisting Australia's Type 2 diabetes epidemic. However, smothering shredded factory-farmed chicken in fatty afterbirth,...

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KFC Zinger Pie Review: Part I

Dear KFC, Imagine that I've been stranded on an uninhabited island in the South Pacific for a very long time. Then one day, one of your Zinger pies falls from the sky into my malnourished hands. Do I: A) Eat it B) Give it to my best friend, Wilson C) Stick a coconut up my bum D) None of the above If you answered A, you clearly haven't consumed one of your own Zinger pies. If you had, you'd know that it's physically impossible to let that...

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FOR SALE: 2005 Peugeot 206 CC

A friend of mine from high school has asked if I could write an ad to sell her car. Since my Brumby ad, I've had over 400 requests from people asking me to do the same for them. I tell all of these people exactly the same thing, "Fuck off and leave me alone". However, this particular young lady is a great person and a lifelong friend, so it was a no-brainer for me to help her out. I've been given total creative control. Hopefully she isn't...

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Answering Fan Mail #1

I just discovered a very nice fan letter from an eloquent gentleman named Amirali Shahrestani. He really enjoyed my review of the Persian Room restaurant, so the least I can do is let him know how much I appreciate his beautiful words. Hello Amirali, Thank you for the kind words, but I'm actually from a small country called Australia. It's a little bit south-east of New York and slightly south-west of Los Angeles. So just to clarify,...

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