My Résumé...

Since writing the Brumby ad, I've been offered several copywriting jobs. However, yesterday was the first time a company actually requested my résumé (or curriculum vitae, for those of you who don't understand French, but speak fluent Latin). I'm certainly interested in pursuing more writing work, so I thought it'd be best if I posted my CV on here. Prospective employers, please click on the image below to find out more about...

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Dear Colosseum Pizza & Ribs

Dear Colosseum Pizza & Ribs, Have you heard the expression, everyone deserves a second chance? Well, I don't believe that's necessarily true. For example, here are some people who, in my opinion, are undeserving of a redemptive opportunity. 1) The owner of Colosseum Pizza and Ribs 2) The Colosseum Pizza and Ribs 'chef' 3) The Colosseum Pizza and Ribs employees 4) Anyone associated with Colosseum Pizza and Ribs 5) Adolf Hitler 6)...

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Christian Adams - "Psychic Medium and Energy Healer"

Christian Adams is a Psychic Medium and Energy Healer. To win a free twenty minute reading and see a photo of Christian discovering water on Mars, please CLICK HERE. I really hope I win the competition, but before I enter, I'd like to learn a bit more about Christian's skills. Greetings Christian, I would really love to win a free twenty minute reading, but first I’d like to get a better understanding of the services you provide....

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Dear L'Oréal

Cosmetics juggernaut, L'Oréal, recently signed 17-year-old Belgian beauty, Axelle Despiegalaere, after a photo of her at the World Cup went viral. L'Oréal released Axelle just days later, when an image emerged of her holding a gun whilst posing with a dead oryx gazelle. I've taken it upon myself to help Axelle get her job back - because she's super hot, and she might shoot me in the face with a high-powered rifle if I don't. Dear L'Oréal, I'm...

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My Christian Mingle Dating Profile

Dear Christian Mingle, As a fervent believer in the one true God, I assumed your internet dating site would be the ideal place for me to find my future wife. However, just four days after signing up, I received this email from you. "Anything that can be considered defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, obscene, profane, offensive, sexually oriented, threatening, harassing, racially offensive, or illegal". WTF, guys?! You just described...

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Master of Puppets...

A new Twitter follower of mine, recently heard that I was forced to give up my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. Such was his concern for my welfare, he sent me a link to a volunteer position he thought I might enjoy. He was right... Dear Pastor Coghlan and Caroline Harrington, As a long time fan of The Muppets and brainwashing children, I think your puppet idea is fantastic. Apart from the Hitler Youth,...

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Château de Ménai

A friend of mine has asked me to review the wine he made in his dad's garage in Menai, NSW. Apart from watching an instructional Youtube video, he has no winemaking experience whatsoever. My sample arrived in the mail today, so here goes... Variety:  - Crimson Seedless (hand-harvested from the discount bin at Menai IGA Supermarket) Technical Information:  - Crushed by hand - Inoculated with baker's yeast - "Shitloads" of sodium metabisulphite...

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