Dear Kevin Rudd...

Hello Prime Minister,

I’m writing in response to the announcement of your Regional Resettlement Agreement (RRA) with Papua New Guinea. To be honest, I'm surprised it took this long for the Cronulla Riots to influence Australia's asylum seeker policy. Kudos to the marketing visionary who named the RRA, it's far more sellable than, Cruel Unlawful Nationalism Treaty (CUNT). Imagine trying to flog that one to the public. 

If you want Australia to be whiter than Shane Warne's teeth, then you need to turn up the xenophobia a notch or two. Banishing boat people to a third-world country with an appalling human rights record is a good start, but far more radical changes are required if you want to populate Australia with your master race. These changes won't be very popular, but they'll guarantee that future generations will resemble the offspring of Ryan Gosling and Scarlett Johansson.

Firstly, you're going to need a strong campaign slogan. Kevin '07 was pretty good, but what are your thoughts on Kevin 0'Xeno? I think it really embodies the spirit of your new "Fuck Off We're Full" policy. Unfortunately though, I don't think any amount of propaganda can convince the existing population to wipe out all non-caucasian ethnicities. With that in mind, you should probably focus all your attention on future generations.

How about establishing a network of nationwide indoctrination facilities? There you could teach Kev's Kiddy Krusaders (KKK), the basics of intolerance and racism, kinda like the Hitler Youth, but much more adorable. Perhaps you could get Mel Gibson to write the curriculum. "Less Gonski, More Gibson" has a nice ring to it. Once you've brainwashed an entire generation, you'll be surprised how easy it is to commit genocide.

By the way, when everyone in Australia is whiter than Tony Montana's sinuses, what do you plan on doing with all the homosexuals, disabled, sick and poor people? Oh yeah, and what about the redheads? Will you be opening the Julia Gillard Ranga Processing Centre on Christmas Island? Anyway mein Führer, I'd really like to hear back from you at some stage, when you're not busy slaughtering fairy penguins, establishing a live organ-harvesting scheme, or throwing faeces at homeless people.

Humane regards,

Rich Wisken.

Hello Prime Minister,

I’m writing in response to the announcement of your Regional Resettlement Agreement (RRA) with Papua New Guinea. To be honest, I'm surprised it took this long for the Cronulla Riots to influence Australia's asylum seeker policy. Kudos to the marketing visionary who named the RRA, it's far more sellable than, Cruel Unlawful Nationalism Treaty (CUNT). Imagine trying to flog that one to the public. 

If you want Australia to be whiter than Shane Warne's teeth, then you need to turn up the xenophobia a notch or two. Banishing boat people to a third-world country with an appalling human rights record is a good start, but far more radical changes are required if you want to populate Australia with your master race. These changes won't be very popular, but they'll guarantee that future generations will resemble the offspring of Ryan Gosling and Scarlett Johansson.

Firstly, you're going to need a strong campaign slogan. Kevin '07 was pretty good, but what are your thoughts on Kevin 0'Xeno? I think it really embodies the spirit of your new "Fuck Off We're Full" policy. Unfortunately though, I don't think any amount of propaganda can convince the existing population to wipe out all non-caucasian ethnicities. With that in mind, you should probably focus all your attention on future generations.

How about establishing a network of nationwide indoctrination facilities? There you could teach Kev's Kiddy Krusaders (KKK), the basics of intolerance and racism, kinda like the Hitler Youth, but much more adorable. Perhaps you could get Mel Gibson to write the curriculum. "Less Gonski, More Gibson" has a nice ring to it. Once you've brainwashed an entire generation, you'll be surprised how easy it is to commit genocide.

By the way, when everyone in Australia is whiter than Tony Montana's sinuses, what do you plan on doing with all the homosexuals, disabled, sick and poor people? Oh yeah, and what about the redheads? Will you be opening the Julia Gillard Ranga Processing Centre on Christmas Island? Anyway mein Führer, I'd really like to hear back from you at some stage, when you're not busy slaughtering fairy penguins, establishing a live organ-harvesting scheme, or throwing faeces at homeless people.

Humane regards,

Rich Wisken.