One of my Twitter followers, alerted me to this
fine dwelling available for rent in Fitzroy, VIC. I've never lived in Victoria,
but then again, I've never had the opportunity to become part of such a
magnificent "Life-community". Click on the picture for the ad, then read my
application below.
Greetings
and salutations Tohbeye, Katisha and Liam,
I am a
fellow humyn seeking life-partners of my own (well not of my own, because I
don’t believe in ownership).
Like
you, I’m currently involved in activism groups for gay rights, women’s
liberation and Palestine. I tried to combine these three causes last year, by
hosting a gay rights and women’s pride parade on the Gaza Strip. I was shot
several times and airlifted to an Israeli hospital where they saved my life. I
know, totes ironic...
What’s
slam poetry? It sounds fun. Is it a mix of poetry and pro-wrestling? I used to
love watching the WWF as a kid (before I became anti-sports). It’s called WWE
now though, because a giant panda complained about trademark infringement, which
is fair enough, pandas are pretty much the Palestinians of the animal kingdom
and humans are the Israelis taking away their habitat. Imagine Hulk Hogan
reading poetry, that’d be amazeballs.
I’m also
into vegan, fair-trade cuisine, but “Organic” is so mainstream. I usually
only eat biodynamically-sourced berries from certified agricultural enclaves
within West Papua New Guinea. All my food must be sown and harvested by tribal
elders, in accordance with the lunar cycle.
I am
very tolerant of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex humyns. I love
George Michael, even though he used harmful chemicals to bleach his stunning
locks back in the Wham days. I forgive him though, because he gave
me Faith. Oh, I also love giving
guys handjobs, so I guess that makes me pretty "Gay
friendly".
If I become
your life-mate, do you mind if we change the spiritual rejuvenation time to
10pm? It’s just that I usually like to workout for an hour at 8pm before
practicing my pan-pipes at 9pm. When I train, I exercise all muscles, except my
gluteus maximus, because I’m totes anti-gluten.
I agree
that money is a capitalist concept, which has no bearing on our soul’s
enlightenment, so instead of a donation, I would like to offer my services as a
vintage bicycle mechanic. I specialise in tying colourful bandanas to the frames
of fixies, as well as polishing faux-leather saddle
bags.
If I become
the successful new comrade for your life community, can you please inform me via
carrier pigeon. I don’t believe in telecommunications, because "The Man"
can’t be trusted. One minute you're using your free Vodafone to Vodafone
minutes, the next, you're seeking asylum in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London.
Well I say, fuck that! FREE ASSANGE!
Peace, love
and serenity,
Rich
Wisken.
Response... sort
of
http://starcalibre.tumblr.com/post/54738668516/a-fake-seeking-housemate-ad-i-posted-to-gumtree (scroll to the
bottom)
One of my Twitter followers, alerted me to this
fine dwelling available for rent in Fitzroy, VIC. I've never lived in Victoria,
but then again, I've never had the opportunity to become part of such a
magnificent "Life-community". Click on the picture for the ad, then read my
application below.
Greetings
and salutations Tohbeye, Katisha and Liam,
I am a
fellow humyn seeking life-partners of my own (well not of my own, because I
don’t believe in ownership).
Like
you, I’m currently involved in activism groups for gay rights, women’s
liberation and Palestine. I tried to combine these three causes last year, by
hosting a gay rights and women’s pride parade on the Gaza Strip. I was shot
several times and airlifted to an Israeli hospital where they saved my life. I
know, totes ironic...
What’s
slam poetry? It sounds fun. Is it a mix of poetry and pro-wrestling? I used to
love watching the WWF as a kid (before I became anti-sports). It’s called WWE
now though, because a giant panda complained about trademark infringement, which
is fair enough, pandas are pretty much the Palestinians of the animal kingdom
and humans are the Israelis taking away their habitat. Imagine Hulk Hogan
reading poetry, that’d be amazeballs.
I’m also
into vegan, fair-trade cuisine, but “Organic” is so mainstream. I usually
only eat biodynamically-sourced berries from certified agricultural enclaves
within West Papua New Guinea. All my food must be sown and harvested by tribal
elders, in accordance with the lunar cycle.
I am
very tolerant of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex humyns. I love
George Michael, even though he used harmful chemicals to bleach his stunning
locks back in the Wham days. I forgive him though, because he gave
me Faith. Oh, I also love giving
guys handjobs, so I guess that makes me pretty "Gay
friendly".
If I become
your life-mate, do you mind if we change the spiritual rejuvenation time to
10pm? It’s just that I usually like to workout for an hour at 8pm before
practicing my pan-pipes at 9pm. When I train, I exercise all muscles, except my
gluteus maximus, because I’m totes anti-gluten.
I agree
that money is a capitalist concept, which has no bearing on our soul’s
enlightenment, so instead of a donation, I would like to offer my services as a
vintage bicycle mechanic. I specialise in tying colourful bandanas to the frames
of fixies, as well as polishing faux-leather saddle
bags.
If I become
the successful new comrade for your life community, can you please inform me via
carrier pigeon. I don’t believe in telecommunications, because "The Man"
can’t be trusted. One minute you're using your free Vodafone to Vodafone
minutes, the next, you're seeking asylum in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London.
Well I say, fuck that! FREE ASSANGE!
Peace, love
and serenity,
Rich
Wisken.
Response... sort
of
http://starcalibre.tumblr.com/post/54738668516/a-fake-seeking-housemate-ad-i-posted-to-gumtree (scroll to the
bottom)
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